The Wreck of the Gordon Jensen

Our P.A. correspondent Mr. Gordon Jensen has made the following contribution:


Round 2

Yuri was keenly aware of one thing right now: it was really, really, really cold.

He managed to stem the leak of oxygen from his suit and propped himself up. It hurt but he was still concious. As he scanned the barren lunar surface he tried to recall why he had thought any of this was a good idea...

It had all seemed so clear at the time. He was so honored when the United Soviet Scientific Comittee of the University of Moscow approved his proposal for study on the first manned Russian flight to the Moon. According to the KGB it would take the American pigs atleast two more months before they could launch their first manned lunar flight proving, once more, the Soviet superiority.

The experiment had seemed simple enough. Monitor the effect of cosmic radiation on chimpanzees provided only limited shielding on the flight from Earth to the Moon. But things went horribly wrong during the initial lunar orbit. Somehow the chimpanzees, strangly mutated into a undead state, had broken free of their confines. As the rocket module silenty obritted the Moon, Yuri and his fellow cosmonauts fought bravely againts the swarm of undulating zombie chimps. Unfortunately, the mutation had also given the chimps a feral cunning and what appeared to be a basic grasp of tool use. They proceded to tear and bash his comrades to death, gorging themselves on still beating organs with a crazed hunger. Boris, the pilot, had set the rocket on a collision course towards the planet. Yuri, managed to lock himself into the landing module and launch it before the ship crashed and exploded. He could still hear the sounds of his comrades beating their fists on the doors of the lander as he finished the launch sequence. Deep down he knew the USSCUM would never send rescue.

That was when Yuri saw them. Two chimps, crawling out of what appeared to be a barrel of some kind. Their jaws were slack, but their eyes gleamed with hate. Through a combination of a shambling gait and a strange bouncing in the the limited gravity, the chimps closed the distance between themselves and Yuri.

Yuri pushed himself up and grasped tightly the combat knife he salvaged from the lander. As the chimps began to circle him searching for a weak spot, all Yuri could think about was whether or not a banana would distract these abominations.

"All right bitches," Yuri growled through clenched teeth, "time for round two."